Monday, November 12, 2012

Awaken

There are times it seems like the older I get the less creative I feel. Where rearranging your furniture seems like your only artistic highlight for the month. Once you have kids, at first,  you still try to cling to the idea that you can fully be who you were before them. But you can't. It's not a matter of loss or gain, negative or positive, but more so of an understanding that they are an extension of yourself. Children cannot fully see they, too, are indeed the best and worst things of their parents and will spend so much time fighting the inner threads that make up themselves. They will waste so much breath cursing the things they hate, when it's the very things that cause themselves to lash out. The wall of a full perspective and maturity has yet to fall within the first couple decades of a child's life.

Imagine you are driving down the road at night, only your headlights to illuminate your path. The world around you is merely a blurred and heavy outline of something that your mind cannot fully form. It's not good or bad, just unknown.  Once you have children you are suddenly driving down that same road on a painfully bright mid-noon day. The once heaviness is translated into a crisp green line where the trees meet the sky. Your perspective of everything is almost too bright to give you a full focus. But once you have it, once you are able to see that little person is a magnified version of yourself, you'll then be able to look at your parents and grandparents. You'll be able to see that the life was once lived was only twenty feet outside yourself. You will look at all the time you wasted and the moments you threw away trying to be lost in "discovery."

The beautiful thing is deep down they were already there, simply waiting for their divine appointment. Waiting to come into your world and shake it to your very core. Mistakes are then erased because you are her complete world. Who needs to be creative when you are everyday someone's hero.

1 comment:

Tami Tullberg said...

One comment I have heard along the way is that sometimes we can look at our children has an "interuption" into our life. We can feel as though our kids are keeping us from the next step of life...and therefore it can cause us to feel frustrated and anxious. I had to learn to take slow deep breaths and realize that each child given to me was a blessing from God. IF and when I am suppose to be that person I want to be then God will open up that door and if HE doesn't then I plan to enjoy my family and realize that each one of them are incredible to me!